It was time for me to face some of my deepest patterning in order to make positive change in my life. I had recently realized that I had not fully grown into manhood. Part of me was stuck as a boy and another part of me was stuck as a monk. Being too oriented with these aspects of my personality was preventing me from having a successful relationship leading towards a family of my own. I did not care how these traits arrived or where they came from…I just realized it was time to decrease their influence on my life. It was time for me to live fully. It was time for me to step closer to my True Self.-Dave Lesinski (The Path of the Householder)
We have a tendency to hold onto things. Artifacts, clothing, behaviors, routines and personality traits are just a few of the possible examples. Typically, we don’t know why we hold on so tightly or when it started. In fact, as you can see from the list, these tendencies become such an intimate part of us that we do them without thinking. It is just “us” or “the way we are”.
I was invigorated by this new realization and knew it in my heart to be true. I had been hiding, without knowing, from fears of living fully as myself. No more hiding, no more fear. The first call was to a close friend of mine who knows Feng Shui. I thought my bedroom needed to be changed…less monk, more man. She arrived and I started to laugh as she entered my room. I saw what she saw. A mattress on the floor, an altar in the corner and bare walls. I had been replaying the life of a renunciate every time I went to bed. I had done this for years without knowing. It was then I realized how ingrained we become in our “story” and how this happens without us knowing. –Dave Lesinski (Path of the Householder)
The good news is these traits and habits make us unique. The challenging news is this “holding on” creates a lot of problems in our life and can end up driving us nuts.
We would fall over if we could see an “energy scale” that told us the amount of energy we were expending to uphold these parts of us. I sometimes call these parts our “Story”.
Starting at birth our interactions with our environment train us to crave what makes us happy and avoid the experiences we don’t like. Of course, this craving and aversion are based on experiences from our past. Here is a simple example: we have our first bite of ice cream and it tastes good. Therefore, the craving for ice cream and other sweet things becomes a part of our story. It gets better…let’s say mom and dad gave us ice cream when we were feeling down or when they wanted us to behave better. Uh oh…now we crave sweets whenever we are upset.
At first glance craving and aversion seems like a great plan to keep us out of trouble. However, what we don’t realize is that once something joins our story it becomes part of our mold causing us to act without thinking and therefore not fully participating in life. This way of living is limited and may be preventing you from growing fully and living the life you desire. Think about it…our fears (things we are avoiding) are dictating our life without our knowing.
Just for fun I thought I would analyze where this may have started. Why was it that I had created this life of solitude? Why was it that my defense mechanism had become to stay as a boy or monk? Why had I created this story? What was I protecting myself from? I traveled with my memory back to middle school and remember that when my friends began to talk about girls it felt very foreign to me and always made me nervous. There were girls I liked but I had no idea how to approach or talk to them. All I felt was awkwardness and nervousness…extreme nervousness. This continued to high school. I couldn’t grasp what allowed some guys to approach woman confidentially. I began to avoid these interactions. Too many embarrassing moments had occurred in which I clearly “Blew it”.
I realized that this lack of understanding as a young boy caused many uncomfortable situations and created a pattern of avoidance that I still carrying with me as a man. All these years I thought…my heart wanted to connect but my subconscious ego said, “I don’t think so.” -Dave Lesinski (Path of the Householder)
This story we are living in is always changing, adjusting and flowing. As human beings, we need it to be alive in this physical body on this earth. Knowing this we realize not to be mad or upset with our story. However, to live fully we do not want to let it run our life and prevent us from fully playing in this reality and creating a life full of beauty, love, peace and contentment. So what do we do?
I have learned that we have a built-in detector called “awkwardness and discomfort” that is a pretty good sign that we are dealing with a part of our story that might be limiting us. When we realize we are in the midst of an event or conversation that brings this awkwardness up find time to “go into” it. Make time to “check in”. What is it about this situation that causes me discomfort? Is it limiting me? How should I handle this? Then devise a simple plan to push the threshold of your limits. Step into the discomfort in order to realize this is part of your story and how you see things based on past experiences…not because it is true or real. Enjoy the new found power you feel upon expansion. Be Limitless.
