When relationship conflicts of any kind happen we usually step into the blame game. We do this without thinking. It’s a very bad habit. We tend to blame the other person involved or the situation itself rather than looking into our behavior and how it might be contributing to the stressful interactions.
I have found that no matter what the issue is we are best off taking responsibility. After all, we are the creators of our life and we have the power to change ourselves and how our life is flowing.
Now this doesn’t mean lying down or avoiding conflicts and issues. Nor does this include ignoring the inappropriate behavior of someone who is not treating you respectfully… in fact, quite the opposite.
Remember, we are on the “Householder Path” of evolution (versus the Monk’s Path). This means we are here to learn, grow and evolve ourselves within inner personal relationships. Conflict is going to happen once in a while and when it does the last thing we want to do is avoid it. This is an opportunity for growth.
By not speaking your truth you create a stagnated energy flow within you that can affect many areas of your life. This is a type of emotional injury. Your “inner body” feels what is happening and is affected. For example, not speaking up to someone about how you are feeling is like constantly burning yourself on the stove. No different. In both cases you are continually allowing injury to happen.
ALERT! As we prepare to take on some of the imbalance in our relationship we must remember that we are creating the relationships in our lives. We are creating the conflicts in order to learn and grow. So as you plan the conversations do so with an open heart and be ready to hear the truth…you are part of the problem too!
Here are 3 steps to take to mend relationship conflicts.
1. The Fuel: The fuel is the self-work we do alone that serves to keep us healthy and able to handle conflict with respect and integrity. This includes daily meditation, pranayama, yoga, prayer, exercise, etc. in order to power our system and stay healthy and balanced. I call this the fuel because a proper spiritual practice reduces stress and replaces it with a Divine Power leaving us happier and healthier. If interested in understanding this in more detail I highly suggest contacting me to participate in the Emotional Detox program.
2. The Altitude: The altitude is the ability we have step back and observe the current conflicts in our lives as if we were a bystander. Challenge yourself to look at why the person might be acting that way and…here is the hard part…your role in the conflict. Chances are you are playing a bigger part than you think. By gaining “altitude” you are able to step into the conversation in a loving way stating that you are ready to change.
3. The Fire: Fire symbolizes transformation and that is what you are doing when you handle conflict with integrity. The fire is the action you will take. The fire is the conversation you are going to create even if it rocks the boat. Speak your truth with integrity and love and be ready to take responsibility for your half of the problem. By sharing your truth and allowing someone else to share theirs new relationships can be created.
Final Thoughts
1. By not speaking your truth you are negatively impacting the ability of the Great Divine energy to flow through you in a healthy and balanced way. This can have an impact across many areas of your life.
2. By not speaking your truth you are preventing the spiritual growth of everyone involved in the conflict.
3. There are certain conflicts that are so serious we may need greater therapeutic support. For example, there may be a situation in which the other person is not ready to hear the information or the situation/environment is dangerous. Maybe there is a physical abuse situation or a situation involving a drugs/alcohol. In these cases diligently do your homework and get the help you need now. You deserve a better life but must do so with proper support and careful planning.
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