We’ve all heard the old adage, “Never judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes.” It’s a powerful quote and one to review daily, as seeing things from another person’s point of view is one of the biggest challenges we have on the Path of a Householder*.
I find the key to developing this quality in ourselves, along with a meditation practice, is to become a good listener. Most of us “listen to respond”. As we hear someone speaking, in comes our judgments and we begin to formulate our response; jumping at the opportunity to respond back and never truly listening to what is being said.
Learning to “listen to listen” is key. To do this we have to become “Dialogue Detectives”. What I mean is paying close attention to people when they are talking to you….like you are performing an investigation.
Dialogue Detective Strategies
1. Eye Contact: This helps you focus in on the person as they share. Making appropriate eye contact as well as noticing facial expressions can give you much insight into the message they are relaying to you. On a side note, looking into someone’s eyes can help you see them more clearly and get a reminder that there is much more to them than skin, bones and brain.
2. Voice Recognition: Pay attention to the tone, volume and cadence of the speech. This will help you notice the emotions and feelings behind the words you are hearing. This can give you many clues as to how the person is feeling about the subject, or in general.
3. Detail Oriented: Before responding with your thoughts, ask one or two questions to get more details about the subject.
4. Authenticity: Participate in the discussion with authenticity saying how you feel about the subject. However, make sure you do it from a place of the heart, especially if you disagree or have a different point of view.
Number 4 is key. We all have trouble remembering that most of our thoughts on any given subject are simply just our point of view based on our life experiences and education. I always say, “You could know 50 sides to a story and you still wouldn’t know them all.”
By aligning ourselves with another person as they talk with us we are more able to see where they are coming from. This opens our hearts and allows us to have more authentic conversations, even when having the challenging conversations that come up once in a while. Enjoy your new Dialogue Detection strategies when in conversations…and don’t be afraid to use them with the one or two people who challenge your listening skills the most.
*The ancient texts talk about two paths one has to evolve to get to great levels of health and healing: The Path of the Monk and the Path of the Householder. We are all on one of these paths whether we know it or not…as we are all evolving. The monk’s path is one of renunciation, including leaving society and interpersonal relationships in order to do the spiritual work needed to evolve. The Path of the Householder is one of developing within society and interpersonal relationship, using the challenges that may surface in our relationships to learn and grow…in other words, evolve
